In
the modern world of equal opportunity for a female's career, self
liberation and financial freedom, the phrase "till death do us part"
isn't going to change to "till next time you bug me." But, when it comes
to modern marriage, many old rules continue to pressure us to be bound
by traditions. From a bride's perspective, we examine how some wedding
traditions may impact your marriage down the road, and take a deeper
look at the pro’s and con’s of four changing customs which are quickly
becoming the new trends in tying the knot.More>>>
1. Keeping Your Last Name
- Wedding Tradition: Women took their husband’s last name
- Current Trend: Women are keeping their own
PROS:
-
Career Purposes - Many modern women in
high-flying careers have made quite the name for themselves. If you
change your last name, it could adversely affect your career. This is
particularly true if your career involves dealing with the public. If
your clients go looking for a Ms. Jones only to find she no longer
exists, they’ll move onto the next best thing. Keeping your last name is
not romantic, but it can be a lifesaver if it means keeping your
career.
-
No Need for Notification - If you decide to
change your last name, you will have to inform an endless number of
people, from your bank to your manicurist! While it may seem like a
minor change, it can be a major hassle if you lead a busy life, and is
often very tedious. There is always the chance that the change won’t be
made, and the next thing you know your bills are being sent to the
nearest person sounding like your old last name.
-
Keeps Your Family Name Alive - It may be
just a name, but it might not be carried on if you take your new
husband’s last name. This is especially true if you are an only child or
come from an all-girl family. Not only does keeping your own last name
mean increasing the chances of keeping your family history alive in
years to come, it can also make for a nice surprise for your Dad who may
have feared his bloodline getting lost in history
More>>>>>>
-
Children - What’s in a name, you might ask? But for children of women who don’t take their husband’s name, there’s often a lot actually. Studies have shown that women who keep their name often want their children to have their name too. Conflict arises however, when the husband wants the same thing, the resulting compromise of which is children named Emily O’Reilly-O’Hare and little Michael McCarthy-McInerney – and don’t even get us started on what happens when they have kids.
While this might please the feminist in you, it won’t please your kids. Not only is this inviting bullying and social suicide, it’s also quite a mouthful for teachers and other adults to get their tongue around, never mind the child. In short, if you don’t want your kids to sound like law-firms, taking your husband’s last name is your best bet.
-
Commitment - It’s only a last name, right?
Well, actually, it may be a sign of trouble in paradise. According to
studies, choosing your own name over your new husband’s may indicate a
lack of commitment to the marriage. In addition, even if your heart
really is in it, it can plant seeds of doubt in the mind of your
husband. This may cause problems that didn’t exist in the first place.
While this isn’t true of all marriages, it is worth discussing it with your husband to put his mind at rest. It’s also worth digging deeper and asking yourself why you want to keep your old name. Is it just a fear of losing your identity or more a fear of losing your old (single) life? Whichever it is, it’s best to be sure before making any decisions.
-
Family - In-laws are notoriously difficult –
reject their family name and they can be impossible.
Men from older generations are very proud of their family name
and may not look kindly on daughters-in-law who reject it. While not
all in-laws succumb to this theory, it can be worthwhile discussing
their stance on the subject before making your decision.
We’re not saying you should base your whole decision on keeping the peace, but if they do have a problem with it, ask yourself is it really worth all the strife. Do they live nearby to you and your husband, for instance? Do you get together on a regular basis? Do you see a potential monster-in-law in your new mother?
If the answer to any of the above is yes, it can be easiest to just give in, for your own sake if not for theirs. Ok, so you may not like it but you’ll like in-laws who have it in for you even less. In addition, older relatives on either your side or his, tend to be very traditional and may be upset by your decision. While your union might not be hanging on your great-great granny’s blessing, it could cause unnecessary conflict in the family and may damage previously close relationships. Once again, think a while and weigh it up.
2. Do It Yourself Wedding Vows
- Wedding Tradition: Couples learned off the standard Church vows
- Current Trend: Couples are getting creative and writing their own
PROS:
-
Modern - It’s the 21st century – you
probably believe a wife should love her husband, but chances are you
don’t think she should obey and honor his every whim. By writing your
own vows, you avoid possibly lying with traditional vows, which are
meant to be based on truth and honesty.
Not only does this kiss goodbye to any concerns about going to
Hell for lying in Church, it also avoids creating any misconceptions
about your role in the household once you’re wed. Your don’t want your
husband thinking you’ll be at his beck and call ‘til death do you part,
and then accusing you of telling lies when you whip out the frozen pizza
for his Sunday dinner…
-
Personal Touch - It’s all about you and your
husband on your big day so why would you want your vows to be the same
as everyone else’s the world over?
Writing your own vows adds a personal touch to your big day, which can make it extra special. Although you might think promising to be together ‘til death do you part is the most romantic thing you could say to each other, its now clichéd status often leaves it sounding flat and meaningless. Because your own vows are fresh and new, they often make more of an impact and can end up meaning more to your loved one in the end.
CONS:
-
Unromantic - Of course, for the less
poetically-inclined, the opposite can be true. Despite good intentions,
homemade vows could end up sounding awkward, unromantic, and even
cringe-worthy. You don’t want to pour your heart out to your sweetheart
only to be told that, in true romantic style, he loves you lots like
vodka shots. Your vows should be something you want to cherish and
remember forever, not something you wish you could forget.
-
One More Thing to Do - Yes, your wedding day
is the most romantic day of your life but, according to countless
brides, it can also be one of the most stressful. From traveling through
bridal shops, and organizing the venue, to making sure the groom turns
up, you will be snowed in enough with your to-do list, without adding to
it even further. Not only will writing your own vows take considerable
time and effort, wondering if your words are good enough will only add
to your wedding jitters. By using the tried and tested vows, you can
rest assured that your words are appropriate, and put your energy to
better use
Related Articles:-
Wedding Planners - What Do They Do?
Wedding In
365 Nights of Sex: Can It Strengthen a Marriage?
vitation and Stationery Guide
No comments:
Post a Comment